Toby

Skim the surface
like spinning rocks
or how Jesus walks
A combination of
skills and miracles
are just enough
to keep me above.

I try to shrug off the weight
and I keep doing it to the point
where every moment of the day
is a harlem shake.

Keep the darkness away
the water down the plug hole
jokes spill out my pie hole
Watch films by Michael Bay.
Every now and then
I get to the brink
and begin to suffocate

Find strength in rap
Strength in comics
Strength in jokes.
Whatever it takes
to make you step back

I got through days
but lost pieces of me
along the way.

There's a horrible unwritten rule
that people seem to subscribe to
that becoming an adult requires
killing the child that's inside you.

we deny them their voice
The first time we pretend to like the taste of alcohol
or agree with someone telling us 
computer games are stupid
or that football is just a game.
Or when we laugh at a friend 
we once laughed with
just so we can impress other kids.

Toby came to school in red skiing boots
It didn't snow. It wasn't even cold.
He wore red skiing boots in a school
where you can get punched in the back of the head
for wearing baggy jeans.

Toby never gave a second thought about being different
I'm pretty sure he didn't think it was about being different
It was just about being him
And he saw some red skiing boots and just thought
"I'll wear them"

Gary looked at them and said- why.
I said that they're actually quite handy
because, if he clicks his heels three times
he gets to go home.

Mates laughed. I laughed.
As Toby walked past.
We made eye contact
He saw me laughing at him
for being different
and he smiled back at me
Like it was lunchtime at Beckford.

I couldn't talk to Toby for years.
All I had to say was regurgitated words 
from boys in the year above
talking about what phones we want.

And
To be confronted with his smile
The same smile he had at eight
-when we were best mates-
a smile that conveys only joy-

A smile so contagious
It only would've torn apart
all the hard work
I had put into trying to pretend
the child who smiled with him
didn't exist.

There was no way he could've known
but I really hope he saw me and knew
that I'd give anything to wear those boots too.

He knew a lot.
He knew exactly what type of robot to build
to beat sir Killalot
He'd align the cardboard.
I'd hold it
He'd design the plans
I'd draw angry faces.

Sometimes 
I draw an angry face.
on a robot
during a meeting about something
I can't focus on.

Sometimes 
I write all day
Unaware of rhyming patterns
I just write
and rhyming happens

Sometimes I play the same song
over and over and over

Sometimes I see something funny on the street
And I like it. And I put a pun on it.

Sometimes I get on a train
and cry till i get to my stop.
Get my head above.
and shake it off.