Always Missing you

I never came to make it precious
There’s a Sun in the sky
But I’m sleepy hollow headless

didn’t know what he rode his bike
Through Camden’ towns traffic so fast for
Until she opened the door.

That was thirty odd years ago
I walked for an hour and
You’re even buffer than yourTinder photo.

I add textures to the stories of my 
Ancestors. Sunlight and flowers
Growing out of corners

Maybe the sky was grey then too.
When I grow up I’ll make a life
Out of a sliver lining too.

who needs Sunshine when I’ve got 
you smiling.
Lines so earnest even Drake would
Decline them.

What if you could have blue blue Skys
For a whole whole year,
What if you could ask for something
And just like that, it’d appear.

lips thaw in a coffee shop.
Want know the Spanish word for buff
Only language I learned in London
Is the language of nods
Find safety in a nearby customers
Arsenal scarf.
In some ways a version of home
Is never too far.

That must’ve been morning
Two hours ago
We’re at your place now
I sit on your toilet, lid down
You putting on your make up
And I’m kinda eyeing up your curves as you lean on the sink
Yes I am a perv but trust I’m still listening. 

Order bare Thai food
And fill up on deep fried tofu
Thats just the starter
Gives us time 
Who hurts us what irks us
From Morrissey to exes
And S Dot Carter.
What I never got from coke bumps
Is found in your laughter

As my index finger one letter at a time 
writes words Into your thigh
Ross Sutherland talks about
The pain of death and the joy to life
That night his work has nothing on mine.

Is this what it’s like when doves cry?
You’re so buff it makes my dick shy.
Sit on my face/ all praise to the most high

And I’m so far from this moment now
But it’s so so clear
If I close my eyes
I can imagine you so so near.
What it if you could have blue, blue skies
For a whole, whole year.
what if you asked for something
And just like that, it’d appear.
And just like that
My mind gets off track
Washing dishes 
Writing disses after getting scolded
By the world’s hottest tap.
Hate this job but I need this dosh
And when I’m unemployed my drive just stops

Working on myself isn’t the same
As working for minimum wage
But it’s hard to be good to yourself
When yourself isn’t paid.

working two jobs
You go in opposing directions
twelve hour shifts for plane tickets
It breaks your heart to see me do it
But we’re heartbroken when separated

write a slice of life
Cos I can’t afford the whole pie.But that slice is sweet
I can’t lie 

Pre-emptive talks off the ledge
I was never lower than when the one three four
Would ride under suicide bridge

fingernails impose themselves on skin
If I keep my guard this low I’m bound to be
Touched on the chin.
In another element the Defence mechanisms turn into 
destructive patterns
Hard to be rid of the past when you’re a grown up
In the same parts you grew up in.

tell you I Love you and the fingernails 
Carve up my back
You can’t say you’re off if you’ve never
Been on-track.

That must’ve been the fourth day
You reciprocate as you ride me in the morning
Family having breakfast one room away.


Maybe the Sky was grey then too
Something something something 
Always missing you 

Toby

Skim the surface
like spinning rocks
or how Jesus walks
A combination of
skills and miracles
are just enough
to keep me above.

I try to shrug off the weight
and I keep doing it to the point
where every moment of the day
is a harlem shake.

Keep the darkness away
the water down the plug hole
jokes spill out my pie hole
Watch films by Michael Bay.
Every now and then
I get to the brink
and begin to suffocate

Find strength in rap
Strength in comics
Strength in jokes.
Whatever it takes
to make you step back

I got through days
but lost pieces of me
along the way.

There's a horrible unwritten rule
that people seem to subscribe to
that becoming an adult requires
killing the child that's inside you.

we deny them their voice
The first time we pretend to like the taste of alcohol
or agree with someone telling us 
computer games are stupid
or that football is just a game.
Or when we laugh at a friend 
we once laughed with
just so we can impress other kids.

Toby came to school in red skiing boots
It didn't snow. It wasn't even cold.
He wore red skiing boots in a school
where you can get punched in the back of the head
for wearing baggy jeans.

Toby never gave a second thought about being different
I'm pretty sure he didn't think it was about being different
It was just about being him
And he saw some red skiing boots and just thought
"I'll wear them"

Gary looked at them and said- why.
I said that they're actually quite handy
because, if he clicks his heels three times
he gets to go home.

Mates laughed. I laughed.
As Toby walked past.
We made eye contact
He saw me laughing at him
for being different
and he smiled back at me
Like it was lunchtime at Beckford.

I couldn't talk to Toby for years.
All I had to say was regurgitated words 
from boys in the year above
talking about what phones we want.

And
To be confronted with his smile
The same smile he had at eight
-when we were best mates-
a smile that conveys only joy-

A smile so contagious
It only would've torn apart
all the hard work
I had put into trying to pretend
the child who smiled with him
didn't exist.

There was no way he could've known
but I really hope he saw me and knew
that I'd give anything to wear those boots too.

He knew a lot.
He knew exactly what type of robot to build
to beat sir Killalot
He'd align the cardboard.
I'd hold it
He'd design the plans
I'd draw angry faces.

Sometimes 
I draw an angry face.
on a robot
during a meeting about something
I can't focus on.

Sometimes 
I write all day
Unaware of rhyming patterns
I just write
and rhyming happens

Sometimes I play the same song
over and over and over

Sometimes I see something funny on the street
And I like it. And I put a pun on it.

Sometimes I get on a train
and cry till i get to my stop.
Get my head above.
and shake it off.